Monday, January 20, 2014

Why

I miss blogging.  What I really miss is wanting to blog.  I don't know where I lost the interest in it, since I've always loved writing, but maybe something about the whole "mommy blogging" world turned me off from it.

 One thing that really made me stop writing was a comment from a family member.  He told me (perhaps jokingly, but one of those "I'm joking, but I'm serious" jokes) that my blog was really not about Brixton anymore as the name (had) implied (Brixton Makes Three), but mostly about me.  Me me me.  It made me feel icky.  Narcissistic, self-important, full of myself.  Blogging is that--well, it can be--and often is. 

It's amazing, how even at 35 years old, you can still be shamed, however unwittingly. 

I think that's a big portion of why I haven't written for the past (almost) year.  It shook my confidence.  I don't know how to reconcile myself to this.  On one hand, yes my blog is about me--my life, the things that happen, my thoughts and opinions, pictures of what is going on here--and I love that.  I like sharing it with friends and family that are miles and miles (and oceans) away.  I like reading through it myself at times, it's a diary, a scrapbook if you will, of a very important time of my life.  On the other hand--I don't think I'm all that special.  I'm not especially beautiful or witty.  My child, while the pinnacle of gorgeous to my eyes, is probably average (ok, slightly above).  I don't live in a magical city where I am doing fabulous things all the time, wear amazingly fashionable clothes, have really anything that is brag-worthy. 

So is blogging a good way to express creativity and stay in touch with people, or just another social outlet for our egocentric and attention-craving generation? 

13 comments:

  1. It's a bit of both really isn't it?? I mirror your thoughts that i'm nothing special to be blogging about and yet i can't quite let it go! I love reading your blog whether its about Brixton or not! You're a fantastic writer who makes a post feel like a conversation, and your def' special enough to blog about!! I hope you keep going! :)

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    1. Thank you, Renee, for your kind words. I'm not sure why this is such a struggle for me--especially when there was a time where I absolutely loved writing!! I hope to start again.

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  2. It's your blog-you can write however and whatever you feel led to write on it. If it makes you happy to blog, then do it and don't worry about what anyone else thinks :) BTW, I love reading your blog and I've never felt that it was narcissistic in any way.

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    1. Thank you!! I don't ever want to be seen as narcissistic (maybe just a little bit vain though.) Ha ha.

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  3. I am not really into mommy-blogs but I always really enjoyed your blog and I am not just saying this because I know you personally. So maybe in a way it's a good thing that your blog is not just about Brixton? I am really interested to read more about your new country life. It's pretty frustrating to be stuck in the city when it's to cold and sludgy and grey and dirty to go outside, so give me some insight on how it is in your new house!
    In a way maybe it's why I don't write my blog anymore. After I had Linnea I felt like I wasn't that much into writing about myself anymore but at the same time, I feel like I'd have a hard time writing about Linnea without feeling like I am bragging (by the way - you do an awesome job writing about Brixton and it doesn't feel like bragging). So many mom and family blogs are all like "Look at how wonderful our family is and how you'll never measure up and yours is funny and interesting instead, so please start writing again!

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    1. Yes, I do have a lot to report on our new country life. Which is why I feel like writing. We got a cat too. I love her. I think of you and all the other "city ladies" often--wonder how you all are and what you are doing. It was fun while it lasted. :-) PS Loved your Christmas card...Linnea is just getting cuter and cuter!

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  4. Thank you for writing this. I go through these moments as well. I am sorry that your family member's comment hit such a vulnerable part of you; I've struggled with this myself. Like you, I've felt disenchantment with the "mommy blog-o-sphere" in the sense that I have always been a day late and a dollar short. I don't have a significant following, I don't have focus, and I struggle between writing because I love to write and document versus feeling like I *have* to write to meet some undocumented and non-communicated imperative. That's when I started thinking that blogging became more like an unpaid job. I was putting the pressure (albeit probably far less pressure in intensity) of other "legit" bloggers on myself. When what I loved doing (writing when the spirit moved me as opposed to a schedule) was dismissed.

    I think it's okay to have the blog be about yourself and for it to be self-full (I made that up). I think it is important to have a space that is your own...that you choose to explore and share what you want to share. Someone recently made a comment to me about how I don't post about my oldest (5 years and 4 years) sons as much as the baby. Of course what I inferred was: "you are showing preference to one child." But the truth is, as my boys grow up, they are coming into their own, and I am more guarded with their privacy and life. also, I'm not dealing with the same challenges and traumas as I was when they were infants and toddlers and I felt like I was covered in poop running a 3 ring circus. And over time, as our children develop, so does our space on a blog.

    When you noted you don't have anything really "brag" worthy, I shook my head and was like "I get that." I feel like that as well so often. And yet, it's the blogs that are about life outside the indulged edges (pottery barn perfect houses, children models who walked and talked in the womb, wardrobes that aren't from the thrift store...), that I gravitate toward.

    As someone who (also) struggles with anxiety, I find comfort in commonality. I find joy in seeing how others live in a similar fashion to myself. Typical, delightful, with the ebbs and flows of what I tend to feel like is "normal" life.

    And in that simplicity, is vast opportunity, beauty, and importance.

    Keep writing. I'm listening (thanks feedly!). without judgment.

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    1. Wow. What a beautifully written comment. I don't think a comment has ever made me teary before, but you win! Thank you so much for taking time out of your life to write this thoughtful and kind comment. I, too, find joy in reading about people's lives that are more like mine. And yes, while some of the "perfect" blogs may entertain, I find they tend to push me away as well.

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  5. Please keep writing. That's the great thing about a blog. It's whatever you want it to be. House, baby, husband, pets - it's kind of like a stream of consciousness. I thoroughly enjoy your blog and hope to see more in 2014. And face it, as kids get older, there's less news to report - the milestones become spread out. You do get some great material about funny things they say and do!! :)

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    1. Thanks SR Mom. I guess I want to just write--about whatever I want--and not feeling obligated or guilty about it. And you are soooo right..after those first 18 months or so..it seems like there are less milestones to share!

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  6. amen, little lady. i took a three week break at the beginning of the year and realized just how stupid mommy blogging is. i disabled my comments (because they distracted me too much) and stopped accepting sponsors. and now when i blog i know it's because i actually want to.

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  7. For me, the measure of a good blog is all about voice. And girl, you've got that in spades. When I find a blog with a great, down-to-earth, witty voice, I'm hooked and I really don't care what the topic is - what you wear, what you listen to, what your two-year-old says, what your difficulties are, whether you are narcissistic, or thoughtful, or both. Content, to me, is secondary to the way you sing it/say it in the space you claim. All hail the internets that allow for this kind of reading, over-sharing, and voicing of whatever we want, however we want. Take time off, come back, lick your wounds, do what you've gotta. As long as you're writing, I'm reading. That is all.

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  8. I have always enjoyed your blog and looked forward to seeing your posts. Keep it up girl. It is ok for us to do things for ourselves, no matter how it may seem to others. Like others have said, you have a great voice. And I relate to it! Keep it up :)

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